Dick Kuffel: Husbands, Love Your Wives

For the September episode, my friend Dick Kuffel, an elder at Twin City Fellowship in St. Louis Park, MN, joined me to discuss Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands, love your wives. Dick is preparing to present this material in a pair of adult Sunday School lessons later this month.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:01:47 — 41.3MB)

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An outline of this month's episode is as follows*:

• How the topic came to be:
  • It's totally a guy thing – From the Minneapolis Star Tribune, July 26, 2011
  • Dick's Ad Agency experience
  • Dads in ads today
  • Husbands need help
• Our ideal in Christ – the perfect husband
  • Ephesians 5:18b-33
• Back to the beginning: The vows
  • Remember how this started? This thing called marriage?
    “to have and to hold,
    from this day forward,
    for better for worse,
    for richer for poorer,
    in sickness and in health,
    to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
  • There are no “if” statements in there!
• She is a treasure, and she has to know it – Every Day!
  • Alistair Begg — “there is no more precious gift entrusted to a man than the treasure of his wife. She is to be admired and prized above all others. She is to have first place in his heart, mind, and affections. She is to be given special care and attention that leaves no doubt of her husband’s esteem”.
• Begg breaks it into four topics:
  • Ears for her alone
    • Communication
    • Face-to-face
    • Eye-to-eye
    • Listening and engaged – because you care
    • It's an act of love
    • Helen Keller would have chosen hearing if given the opportunity to be able to hear or to see. Lack of sight kept her from things, whereas lack of hearing kept her from people.
  • Eyes for her alone
    • If she is a treasure—she must know that you have only ‘eyes for her alone’; Not the magazines, Not victoria’s secret, Not compared to other women, and Watch out for website porn!
    • James Dobson interviewed Ted Bundy, who stated that his psychotic behavior began with pornography.
  • Lips for her alone
    • Limit compliments about others
    • Never compare
    • Do not comment on appearances
    • Avoid flirting
  • Hands for her alone
    • Men often see casual touching as friendly, but women may see it differently
• Husbands are responsible to lead
  • Poor leadership causes conflicts
  • The husband'd authority to lead is God given, limited, and active
  • There are purposes to the husband's leadership role:
    • To show how God leads His people
    • To develop humility and obedience in all concerned
    • To guide the family in righteousness
    • To give a sense of order and stability in the home
    • To provide what is needed for the family
    • To protect the family
    • To accomplish ministry for God more effectively
    • To help family be a good witness to the world
• Our idols often get in the way, that which is in our hearts: our thoughts, intentions, beliefs, desires, and attitudes
  • Security
  • Material things
  • Knowledge
  • Control
  • Wealth/job/work/success
  • Ourselves
  • Good health
  • Other gods, gods of the cults
  • Another person
• Share the household workload
• Protect your wife
  • Physically:
    • Provide a safe home
    • Be chivalrous
    • Take care of her car
    • Care for her personal health
  • Emotionally:
    • Protect her from the stress of overworking
    • Protect her from unnecessary worries regarding finances and your family's well being
    • Protect her from the emotional strain of harmful people
  • Spiritually:
    • Make time to nourish her spiritually
    • Pray with her
    • Read the Bible and solid Christian books with her
    • Block out devotional time with her
    • Talk to her in everyday conversations about Christ & His promises of grace
    • Enjoy Christian music together
    • Get involved with a local church
  • To do this, you must know her!
• Guard your finances
  • Follow key financial principles:
    • Give to God first
    • Spend less than you earn
    • Develop a budget
    • Have emergency cash reserves
    • Don't finance pleasure items
    • Protect your family's finances with adequate life insurance
  • Be aware that most family debt comes from the husband
    • Women generally fear debt
    • Women take on debt in small, incremental amounts
    • Men take on large sums of debt at once
  • Develop a budget and keep it

*Note: This outline is adopted from Dick's presentation notes, much of which was taken directly from his source materials: the books by Begg, McCall, and Scott that are listed below under “Additional Resources”.

Scriptures Referenced

• Ephesians 5:18b-33
• Psalm 119:2
• James 4:1-3

Additional Resources

• Dick's Adult Sunday School class on the subject.
  • Loving Your Wife – Part 1 (mp3)
  • Loving Your Wife – Part 2 (mp3)
• Why Honoring My Wife Matters So Much – Brandon A. Cox
  (This came to me in the form of a tweet from another believer, which he sent out at roughly the same time we were interviewing. While I endorse this particular article, I don't necessarily endorse other works by the author.)
• Lasting Love: How to Avoid Marital Failure – Alistair Begg
• Loving Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church – Larry E. McCall
• The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective – Stuart Scott
• The Fulfilled Family: God's Design for Your Home – John MacArthur

Disclosure: links to book on Amazon are affiliate links. Echo Zoe Ministries receives a commission on sales generated via these links. Your purchase provides financial support for Echo Zoe.

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